A Life Lost

“… whoever loses their life for me will find it” (Matt. 16:26).

I took the advice of a lady I watched in an instagram reel, and I decided to ask God what He saw  in me that He was proud of, and one of the things He brought to mind was that I lost my life for His sake. I responded, “Well I didn’t really lose my life”, then He brought to mind again, “You’re not who you used to be”. Then I got to thinking, this must be what restoration through Christ feel’s like. Feeling as if you haven’t missed a beat.

I used to be so afraid to fully surrender to God and His will for my life because I didn’t want to change. Nevertheless, I officially surrendered my life to God in 2021, did I change overnight, no, but I gave God permission—through my faith—to transform me overtime, and so He did. The person I was afraid of becoming then, is who I am now, and it feels as if I didn’t miss a thing, as if I didn’t lose a life at all. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had to lose while journeying here, but as I lost, God replaced, so truly, there was never a moment where I felt empty due to the loss because His spirit filled every unoccupied space. 

If I’m being honest, if I had known what it meant to fully choose Christ in the beginning, I would’ve never chosen Him. I was so attached to what the world had given me at the time, the friends, the lifestyle, everything.  After my choice, I started watching a lot of videos of like minded women who were on the same journey as me, and I began to thank God He didn’t lead me to them before I chose Him fully because their honesty would’ve quite literally deterred me from life with Christ, especially during a time where I solely relied on my own understanding.

I didn’t realize then, but I realize now that one of the most pivotal moments of my life was having to let go of someone I truly loved, this I did at the beginning of my journey. That was one of the first times I experienced an interchanging communicative interaction with God. I remember as if it were yesterday (I guess it wasn’t that long ago), God said, “Let go”, I told Him I didn’t want to, and again He said, “You have to let go, I have more”, and with tears streaming down my face I gave in and I said, “I want more”. I had no idea that moment was like a foreshadowing of what the next 2 years of my life would look like, having to let go in order to make room for more, and better. 

I really just wanted to speak on what restoration thus far has looked like in my life, but I also want to say that, it was in the loss that true transformation was possible. God gave me the eyes to see, the ears to hear, and wisdom to understand. I’m forever grateful because as I grow, I think back on where I used to be, and the dangers I used to be surrounded by unknowingly, and I fall in love with Him all over again because I see how He’s kept me safe even when I had no idea I was in danger. 

Scripture to reflect on:

Mathew 16:25

“For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.”