Examine Me Lord
Psalm 17:3 states:
“Though You probe my heart, though You examine me at night and test me, You will find that I have planned no evil; my mouth has not transgressed.”
It has been a while. Life has been moving extremely fast for me lately, and the busyness has been almost overwhelming. To be honest, I didn’t even realize that I hadn’t written a post in over a month until today. Lord willing, things will settle just enough for me to write a bit more consistently again. Anyway, let’s get into today’s word. This will be more like a continuation or spinoff of my previous post, “A New Heart.” I won’t keep you long, but while it’s fresh on my spirit, I want to share the latest interpretation of the dream I described in that post.
When it comes to my dreams, God often speaks to me about them over time. Sometimes my initial understanding differs from what I understand two or three weeks later. Other times, I do not understand the dream at all until—BOOM—about a month later everything becomes perfectly clear. And then there are rare occasions when I do not understand a dream until a year or two has gone by.
I was tempted to add this new understanding directly into A New Heart, but what the Holy Spirit revealed to me initially—and what I shared with you all from that initial understanding—was not a mistake. If that message was meant for you in that moment, I pray it helped you just as it helped me.
Over the past few years, my belief in God and my expectations of Him have grown tremendously. My prayers have begun to align with both—yet God’s responses sometimes seemed delayed. As discouragement began to chase after me, God whispered to me in a dream, “Krystal, it’s a test.”
I used to believe God’s tests looked something like a person swearing off chocolate for two years, and then right before their breakthrough, they suddenly find themselves surrounded by chocolate while God watches to see if they’ll give in. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I now understand that the kind of scenario I imagined is actually categorized as temptation—and the Word of God clearly tells us that the Lord does not tempt us:
“When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone…” (James 1:13).
I misunderstood what it meant to be tested by the Lord because I misunderstood the purpose behind the testing.
Here’s what I learned:
The tests of God do not test our strength—they test His strength perfected within us. For when we are weak, then we are strong. This strength is accomplished through relationship with Him (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). Our ability to stand firm in faith, no matter the storms that come our way, reveals the Lord’s perfect strength working inside us. It is a strength that empowers us to hold onto His hand and refuse to let go.
God desires that His followers lean on Him, depend on Him, and endure in the midst of trouble. If you are walking through a difficult season, you already know that enduring has nothing to do with human strength—it is the strength of God within you.
Tests from the Lord evaluate the genuineness of our faith—our love, devotion, and allegiance to Him. Do we love God because of what He can do for us? Or do we love Him simply because of who He is?
There is a particular type of faith God is looking for—a faith that has been tried and tested, a faith that has gone through storms and still stands tall. This is faith that remains no matter the outcome, because its roots are not tied to results—they are tied to the Promise Keeper. So as long as He remains, this faith remains also, forevermore. The testing of our faith yields perseverance. A faith that has passed the Lord’s examination cannot be shaken. This is God’s desire for us all.
James 1:2–3 says:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”
In the past, I have walked away from God because He did not answer my prayers when I wanted and how I wanted Him to. Today, I have made the decision to remain with Him no matter where I end up in this life.
Ask yourself today:
Do you truly love the Lord, or are there conditions attached to your ‘love’ for Him?
I ask myself this question when life gets hard, because when trials take center stage, we sometimes put God—and His promises of victory—on the backburner. This question is meant to recentre us, to bring us back to our senses.
If you recognize that your love for God has been conditional, it is okay. We serve a gracious God who is willing to forgive (so long as we truly repent) and guide us down a more righteous path—a path that teaches us to love Him in the way He deserves to be loved.
For those who did not read A New Heart, here is the dream:
“As I lay down in bed, a hand reached into the middle of my chest. It yanked out my heart, and with some kind of surgical tool, began to work on it, then placed it back into my chest. Believe it or not, I felt physical pain throughout this dream, and I gasped for air.”
I now know that this dream depicts the beginning of Psalm 17:3. God is good.
My heart was stripped from my chest so that it could be tested during a season in which my prayers were constant, the promises over my life had already been spoken, and yet my circumstances had not changed.
So what will I do? What should I do?
I will keep leaning and depending on God, trusting that He is not a man that He should lie. More importantly, I will focus on Him over every promise and every desire, because He is truly all that I need.
Prayer:
Father, I’m sorry for making my trials and tribulations seem greater than You. I’m sorry for desiring Your promises more than Your presence. I know You are a promise-keeping God, a way-making God, and I trust You and Your timing. Bring to light where You desire for me to grow in this season, and give me the courage and confidence to walk according to Your will. Help me keep my eyes on You and trust that all things will work together for my good. Thank You for choosing me to walk this special journey with You. I am Yours, and You are mine, forevermore. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
